This is why you shouldn’t be dating the person you are with, as told by your dog.
1. Their hearing isn’t as good as mine
Last night when they were over, I heard a noise outside. They didn’t bark with me, nor did they look out of the window to see what was going on.
2. Their sense of smell is terrible too
Everyone knows that you need to sniff someone out when you first meet them. (Specifically in the butt, duh.) They didn’t even attempt a whiff when you two first met.
3. They kept their eyes closed
When you guys first kissed, they kept their eyes closed. What a creep.
4. They don’t look at you for long enough
They're always looking around – at their phone, at the television, at their coffee. They should be looking at you ALL THE TIME, like me.
5. They're not a team player
Teams stick together. When we go to the park, or when we go to the bathroom – we have to be together all the time. They don’t even follow you into the bathroom!
6. They doesn’t appreciate food enough
After cooking, they don't dance or wait by the table. They don't even stare into your eyes while you're eating!
7. They doesn’t finish meat
There was totally still some meat left on that chicken bone.
8. Their nose is always dry
And sometimes they even powder it to make it drier. What is that all about?!
9. They drive with the window up
When we’re in the car, they roll the window up to avoid “messing up their hair”. They should be driving with it down to get their hair as messy as possible!
10. They're dirty
I’ve never seen them lick themself. Not once.
11. Their loyalty is questionable
Anyone who feeds squirrels instead of chasing them cannot be trusted.